From The Valley of Dreams to The Pinnacle of Triumph

“I wanna be a self-esteemed, kind, confident, generous person and be a role model, not because I’m famous or anything, but because I do something great for mankind.  And a mom… if I get married.” 

Jaw dropped.

Heart beamed.

What a breath of fresh air!  For it came from JC.  Darling, ahead of her years, precious, precocious, ferocious, eight year old JC.  A fresh air indeed, as I spent a good deal of the day pondering what would become of my children.   

You see, last night I read this book “9 Summers 10 Autumns,” chronicling the journey of Iwan, an angkot driver’s son from Batu, Malang to New York City where he work as a director at Nielsen.  The story was a real testament of the strength of family, education and determination.   I was really affected by the narrative, mainly by the struggles that he and his sisters have to go through just to get education and later to make a living, and how despite all that, he triumphed. 

To see how far he has come made me realized how short my journey has been. 

I feel inadequate. 

Frustrated. 

I fear for my children. 

Will growing up in abundance rob them their determination?  Will they become soft?  Will their dreams be less lofty?  I wonder…. 

I expressed my fears to a friend, a fellow mom.  As it turns out, I am not alone…  We all want our kids to dream big, persevere and triumph. 

JC’s statement feed my dream as a parent.  The challenge is, how can I keep the hunger to dream, to persevere, to triumph alive?

It’s not rocket science… It just requires passion

When I was an AE starting in advertising, the first thing I did was read up on advertising (yeah…  like you can really do that).  Called it naïve enthusiasm, I was determined to find out everything about the industry and how I can do my job well, so that I can be promoted. Fast!!.  (I can’t possibly survive with the meager salary for long.  I need shoes damn it!)  The first book I read was Ogilvy on Advertising lent to me by my cousin.

He  said that account executives can be divided into custodians and contributors, where he compared the former to a waiter, shuffling orders from patrons in the dining room to the chef in the kitchen.  I decided, no way I was a waiter!  I was determined to follow his advice: be the best informed person on your client—on their industry, rise to the occasion, learn to make good presentations and be able to present, etc….etc… and his ultimate advice…  be ready to succeed your boss (I like this guy!!!).  I felt equipped. I knew exactly what to do. 

But boy… oh boy…  Dealing with egotistical creative and clients who are so brilliant they’re always right quickly gave me a jolt of reality.  After my first month on the job as an AE; in a small Agency; handling one of the most difficult client (just my luck); I have my own version of what an AE’s job is:

1.       My job is to make things happen

2.       Any fuck up is ultimately my fault 

It sucks! 

How did I end up with such huge responsibility?  Me…  a fresh grad with no experience? And did I mention the pay?  

It sucks!

And I was still often clueless of what to do…

In time I discovered none of it is rocket science….   Truth is, unless you really are building a rocket, is anything?  But knowing what to do is only half way there.  When I look back at my bosses or colleagues who are truly good at what they do, they have one thing in common:  the love for advertising and passion for the work.  They don’t settle.  They are truly working to raise the bar… their passion make all the difference.  They are my inspirations. 

I think in doing our work, we are often times blinded by the day to day grind that we forgot about this passion, that it separates the so so and the great.  I mean, we work 8 hours a day, or much more if you’re in advertising…  if we are only going through the motion, why bother?  Really!!!  Surely not because of the pay!!!    Don’t we owe it to ourselves to do something we’re passionate about?  Don’t we owe it to ourselves to make us great?

2.55

I never did understand the infatuation people have over branded bags.  Not until I came across the 2.55.  There is something about the Chanel 2.55 that makes it my most coveted bag.  Mind you, I am not a bag person.  I’m a shoe person.  But I do covet the 2.55.  Unlike most women, I don’t have a “I wanna have list,” yet I want the 2.55.  It is the only thing on my list.  Not the Birkin, not the Kelly, not the Speedy.  Only the 2.55.  Its classic and timeless style, sensibility of design and background narrative, all adds to the charm.  Perhaps madame Chanel's personality has something to do with it...  kindred spirits? 

Anyway, I promised myself, I will only get it when I am in a position where I can afford it.  Afford means, not asking my husband to get it for me.  Not especially saving for it.  Not paying for it in installments, or anything of that sort.  I wanted to get it when I have enough money and getting it won’t make a difference.  I realized I am probably sounding a bit cocky right now.  But that is not the intention.

For me there is nothing worse in forcing to buy something that you can’t afford.  Who are you kidding?  And don’t get me started on those ayams and their chanels…  we all know where they earn theirs…  horizontally.   Or worse, getting the fake ones no matter what KW it is… that is so not the point!!!  Seriously!!!

For me, among other things, the 2.55 is a symbol of accomplishment.  Therefore it has to be all mine, my hardwork, my accomplishment, my money and when I wear it I know that “I am there.” 

I finally got mine last year; Purchased in Paris, at Rue de Cambon, by my sister in law.  I only wished I went there myself.  When it arrived my heart went pitter patter.  I linger in opening the parcel.  Noticing the camellia on the shopping bag, untying the box, opening it, removing layers and layers of tissue eager for what lies under.  It did not disappoint.  I never thought I could be so emotional over a bag, but there I was teary eyed with a big grin and a feeling of total happiness and satisfaction… 

Now I get it.  I get why a bag can matters so much.  Every time I wear my 2.55, my heart flutters.  I feel proud and happy.  Not so much because I am sporting a Chanel bag, but because I am sporting MY Chanel bag.  Silly?  Perhaps.  Who cares?  I finally have my 2.55 on my terms.  Another accomplishment I can call my own.

When is enough, is enough?

As a parent, I truly get the concept that we want the best for our kids… especially if we don’t have similar opportunities growing up…  However, I do think that there is a fine line between giving the best and overindulging.  Obviously, I aim for the former, but often guilty of the latter….  It is a dilemma of “but if I can, why can’t I do it?”  Well, the answer is because I know when I look at my girls, I am sometimes scared of what would become of them.  My biggest scare is that they will not grow up grounded.   That’s why I can’t.

It hits me one Saturday when I asked the kids where we should have lunch.  “Loewy or Ritz Carlton mom…  I like those places… I don’t want to go anywhere else!”  Ding ding ding ding….alarm bells ringing….  In all honesty I shouldn’t have been surprised, I mean, let’s face it, we live a pretty comfortable life, they go to a national plus school driven in a private car, they go on vacation at least once a year, abroad and domestic, we eat out in nice restaurants and surrounded by friends and family of similar nature.  And yet, I was taken aback.  I realized, something must be done before they become ungrateful spoiled brats who think life is served on a silver platter and not know the value of a dollar. 

That is why my husband and I now have a rule that we can either eat lunches and dinners at cheap places over the weekend, or eat at one nice expensive restaurant for a meal and the rest at home.  In other words, we cap our weekend dining out budget.  Plus we created a system that teaches them that they must work for everything they want in life.  Of course my husband and I provide them with food, shelter, clothing and education.  But beyond that, they must earn on their own.  Please don’t think of me as a sadistic parent.  But really…  I think I will serve them better if they are used to earn for themselves. 

Here is the system:  They have chores that they must do around the house, simple things like setting up the table, clearing their plates, water the plants, tidy up their toys, etc.  for each action they get a sticker (each equal to a few thousand rupiahs), at the end of the week we tally how many stickers they have, hence how much money they’ve earned that week.  Out of all they money they’ve earned, they must save 75% and can spend the rest.  So now, if they want something, they will ask me how many stickers is that mom, namely, how many chores I must do to get that.  Then they think twice of whether or not they really want that toy.

I do hope that this gives them good gounds and understanding of the value of a dollar, but will this be enough?

Big hands, big feet, ‘nough said! Or is it?

Well, not when he is also smart, responsible, supportive and sexy.

Am I simply blessed?  Or is it like Maria & Captain Von Trapp, I must’ve have done something good in my youth?   Lucky in love?  I think it is all of the above with a good amount of common sense….  After all, I did do my homework, contemplate, plus a ranking and weighted average comparing him and Mr. X.  Yup… I did do all that... Why chance it to faith or cupid, especially since my parents’ marriage ended so miserably.  One might call me a heartless bitch for abandoning Mr. X after a 6 year relationship.  I call it being selfish for my future. 

Methods aside, what I find in my husband is someone who not only accepts me as I am, more importantly encourages and supports me to be better; to reach my potential, without having to choose between self-actualization or family, even, when I have my moments of “can I?” 

Why is it then, when I see some people around me, they are not demanding, comparing and examining enough?   Yet, they dream of the happily ever after.  Are they delusional?   Or is love really is enough?  Obviously for me, love is hygiene factor.  I cringe about this when I think of my daughters.  Will they settle for only love and superficiality?  Will they interrogate the substance?  Will preparing them with confidence, self-worth, smarts and love for themselves make them selfish enough?

After all, since when is being nice more important than securing my happiness??  Aren’t we entitled to interrogate and explore before “I dos” are spoken?   Don’t we try on a pair of shoes before purchasing it? 

My Addiction

There it is….

Oozing sensuality…

The curves…the shape… 

The intoxicating scent… 

The smoothness…

And it is lust at first sight.

 

My knees go weak, my desires mounting…

I flip it over…  “Made in Italy…” and I’m in Looooveee.

I slip my foot in… 

Ahhhh …. Gorgeous, hot, sexy.

I’m picturing possibilities….

I dare myself to peek at the price, and my knees go weak even more… 

I gulp… 

Should I?

Of course!

Should I?

But why not?

Really…  should I?

You deserve it.  This is for that friggin pitch you won.

Seriously…  should I?  This means part of tuition money…

Well… but you work so hard…and look at it ….

I know... hot!  So fucking hot!!!!

Shit!!!

You know what’s best for you…

Fuck it!!

“I’ll take these please!”

Phenomenal woman

About 3 months ago, my oldest daughter, JC, who is 8, made a little “name card” book in which she put names of our family members and corresponding short descriptions.  This is what she wrote of my husband:

Whenever U need help call…..

DAD

What he does:

·         Builds

·         Drives

·         Helps you in software tough spots

·         Works in 3 different offices

·         Loves his daughters a lot

And here is her description of me:

MOM

She is a professional…

Shopper (for clothes) • designer • grocer • make-up artist • artist • advertiser • cook • photographer • punisher • party planner • shoe collector • organizer • lover

How she got that last word, is beyond me… (I truly hope that she means it as I love my family a lot).

The fact is, I am all that and more.  I  NEED to be more. 

One of my favorite poem is "Phenomenal Woman" by Toni Morrison:  “…I am woman, phenomenally.  Phenomenal woman, that’s me!...”  and that is exactly what I want to be. 

I want to be Phenomenal! 

I want to be a phenomenal role model for my daughters & god daughter! 

That’s what drives me.

I want to show them how to embrace this gift and curse we call womanhood.  That a woman can be all that she can be without having to be embarrassed or create excuses for it.  That we can have ambition beyond raising a family and yet still have a wonderful family.   Bukannya karena saya perempuan super.  Saya bukan wonder woman atau super hero lainnya.  Saya cuma seorang ibu who wants her girls to grow up and be phenomenal.  Therefore, I have to be phenomenal.  I have to be their role model.  Kalau bukan saya, siapa lagi? 

Buat saya (dan saya yakin buat orang lain akan beda) untuk jadi Phenomenal, saya harus bisa melakukan hal-hal domestic yang sifatnya perempuan banget seperti masak, arts and craft, entertaining, being a good hostess sampe hal-hal yang sifatnya lebih maskulin seperti ganti ban, fixing things around the house, putting together IKEA furnitures dll.  And I have to be able to do them well.  Be a great educator for my kids. Embrace my femininity.  Be an efficient manager (dari managing pembantu dan nannies sampai managing anak buah di kantor).  Melakukan pekerjaan kantor saya dengan sangat baik to the point where my boss can’t function without me.  Be successful in my enterprise.  Have fun!!!  Be well read and well informed.  Cultivate friendships.  Be organized.  Appreciate the arts.  Be smart.  Pursue my hobbies.  Be a creative force for those around me.  Menjadi istri yang respectful, baik dan supportive.  Maintain good health.  Last but not least, do them all in style tentunya J.  Banyak banget yaa…  and yet I somehow manage to do them day in and day out.     

Those are exactly the kinds of things I want my daughters to see me do.  How a woman can create, be gentle, juggle,  put out fires and look good all at the same time. 

That they can be all woman, without excuses.

That they can be phenomenal.