The New Nuclear Family

Dad, mom, kid and nanny (or even nannies), how often do we see that at malls, cafes, schools, hospitals, you name it? It is becoming a common sight.  Yet I often wonder why that is.  Growing up, my parents don’t have a nanny tagging along wherever we go.  My two sisters and I have to do things on our own.  And we were fine.  So I wonder why is it that my generation is so dependent on these nannies?  Are we less capable?  Or are we simply lazier?  Or do we have too much money or too busy that we can’t be bothered taking care of our own kids?  Whatever the reasons might be, do we think about how this will impact our kids?

Before we get married, I made it clear to D that if he expects us to have kids, he have to agree to help me take care of them.  Simply because I can’t see myself going around with my kids plus a nanny in tow.  I just can’t.  I firmly believe unless you can take care of your kids, you have no business having one.  I am not anti nanny.  I myself employ one to take care of my three kids who are 3, 4 and 9 years old.  I see her as a necessary evil.  I work full time and I have a side business, so yes, it will be highly unrealistic of me to not have anyone taking care of my kids when I am at work.  But at the same time, I don’t want to make it a habit for my kids to have someone at their backing call. 

I believe, kids must learn responsibility early on in life.  The more they learn to do things on their own, from the simple act of putting on their own shoes, to more complicated things like taking care of a pet, the better of they are.  That is why I believe, having too many nannies taking care of them actually rob them their opportunity to become independent.  Children are actually capable of doing things, more than what we adults give them credit for.  Matt, my 3 year old, can do most things on her own, with the exception of cleaning herself (after she goes to the toilet) and showering cleanly (although if you ask her, she will insists that she can shower on her own) .  The added bonus is that they feel empowered, confident and proud; all features we as parent desire our children to have. 

“…every parent is a teacher.  The mission that we’ve undertaken is not simply to feed, cuddle, and protect our children.  We will also need to teach them to become independent, self-confident, successful adults, who are happy and fulfilled in their lives.” 

Tim Seldin, President of the Montessori Foundation.

I understand that every parent wants the best for their children.  However, I also think we need to take an honest hard look at ourselves and examine the impact of our decisions. Could it be in our act of wanting to give them the best we actually rob them of what’s best for them?   Simple things we can start with is:  is one nanny per child a REAL necessity or luxury?  Are there things I can teach my kid to do on their own rather than have the nanny do it for them?  Who knows, the answer might surprise you.