Just typing it makes me wince. What is it anyway… Is it a person who is willing to do anything for her job? Is it the slutty girl in the office? Whatever the real answer is, I felt that I had a moment of corporate sluttiness (is there such word?) about a week ago.
We were courting this BUMN company (that shall remain nameless) for its business. And this was the second meeting, where we were expected to share what we can do for them. There were 5 of us from the team: 3 guys, me and another female colleague (say, her name is Barbie), to meet the division heads.
Picture the scenario: we entered a room that was predominantly male. Barbie and I walked in first, greeting them with what I thought was our professional demeanor. But amazingly what they notice is our scent. For the first comment we receive was not “nice to see you again….” Noooo….. It was “Wah ruangannya jadi harum nih…” complete with the dirty smile… What the fuck??? Seeing that it is only the beginning of the meeting, I just forced a smile.
After that the meeting progressed quite well and that incident was almost forgotten until Q&A session where one of the client said “saya nanya-nya sama yang duduk sini aja deh… (pointing to Barbie and I), yang lebih putih-putih… yang disana (ponting to my male colleagues) lebih item-item… enakan sama yang putih-putih!” more dirty smiles… more knowing looks were passed… WHAT THE FUCK?????
After the meeting my male colleagues were all “you should have seen your face,” “I was afraid you were gonna say something,” “what were they thinking?” etc…etc…
I didn’t know what happened to me that day… whatever it was, I felt that I was a corporate slut. Somehow, I became this person who just stood by as I was obviously being harassed or I was seen as the meeting eye candy. Either way, corporate sluts.
I was really mad… Why can’t these men see us as professionals? Why is it that looking good means that a woman is subject to lewd behavior? Does it mean that we have to look butch to be seen as a professional? To be ugly? I really wonder… If having an opinion, presenting myself well, acting professionally will be devalued just by looking good, then I am doomed. Not just me, most women are.
Most of all though… I was mad at myself. I was angry that those behaviors were tolerated… regardless of why; Is it Barbie’s fault for looking gorgeous, mine for not retaliating, nipping it at hallo or them for being pigs… But really, I was angry that I didn’t say anything.
By not saying anything, I gave it permission to continue. By not saying anything, I was an object, by not saying anything I let my fellow women professionals down. By not saying anything, I become a corporate slut.
