I’m just your everyday Barbie doll

Obviously, this has nothing to do with big boobs, perfect curves, proportional measurements or long legs as I am far from those.  It is all about playing dress up.  A true Barbie fun, a true girly fun. J

Even though shoes are my first love, I can’t help falling in love with clothes once in a while.  I suppose that is one of the privileges of being a girl.  We get a plethora of style to choose from.  Plus there is never lack of designers or fashion magazine telling us what’s in fashion.   The newest trend and the in and hip thing of the season.

I think fashion is overrated though.  For me being stylish is far more important than being fashionable.  As Heidi Klum says, with fashion, you’re either in or your out.  It’s faddish.  Style is more enduring.  More eternal.  A person’s sense of Style is the true essence of who she is. 

I know a person who's always very concern about "what's in fashion."  For some reason, she always asks me.  "Is this style in?"  "I'm redecorating my place, what color is in?"  "i like this bag.  It's nice!  Is this in?"  You get the picture.  Oh my lord!!!!  Who cares about what's in?  Why do you want to be dictated by others anyway?  Who cares whether the bag is in or not.  if you like it and it compliments your style, buy it.   

After all, style is not about the fashion.  It is about your confidence.  You can be wearing the latest fashion from head to toe, but if the confidence is not there, you don’t look captivating.  On the other hand, there’s nothing more intriguing and sexy than a confident woman.  That is how a size 10 woman can look better than the size 2 woman.   Confidence is all about your attitude.  When a woman is confident, she loves herself and it shows.  Thus, no matter what she is wearing, she looks intriguing. 

So ladies, the next time you get dress, don’t think so much about what others may think or what’s in fashion.  Feel confident with yourself and your style.  Believe that you are beautiful (because you are).  Mix and match, experiment, have fun, be unique, be your own Barbie doll J

Fantastic Mr. Foxy

No, this is not something out of the Roald Dahl collection.  This is something from my private vault.  My Fantastic D.  My Foxy guy.  Like Mr Fox, he is also very smart, resourceful and works hard to feed his family.  Unlike Mr Fox though, he is not a crook and he is sexy!!!  He makes my world turns. 

I consider myself very lucky indeed to have a spouse that is not only a great provider but also a soul mate.  He gets me.  In my moments of doubts he will convince me.  When I am scared, he will encourage me.  You get the picture, right?  Once I was having a really tough week, 9 months pregnant, working 12 hours a day launching a campaign for a very demanding bank client.  So I did what I do best to alleviate my stress.  I buy shoes.  A pair a day…  Since I was 9 months pregnant, I just left those stilettos piling in my hallway.  At the end of the week, he just look at the pile, and said, “tough week huh?”  That’s the kind of guy he is. Very understanding to say the least.  Not judging, none of this why-did-you-spend-so-much-money-on-shoes crap. 

There are more incidences throughout our marriage that makes me love and appreciate him more.  Some are prompted by my friends.  As they complain about what their husbands let or don’t let them do, my appreciation towards him grew.  I never have to face a situation where I must ask for his permission.  Be it taking nude photos of me or redecorating the house, he trusts me enough to let me do the things I want to do.  At the same time though, I sometimes can’t help feeling sorry for my friends.  their life is completely dictated by their husbands.  It is as if they lost their independence and a part of their identity the moment they get married.  Why do guys do that?

I get that guys are about respect.  But why do they have to get it by taking something away from their wife.  Once a guy friend (who was recently married at that time and forbid his wife from working) asked me, “How come my wife said she feels she is losing her identity by not working?”  I was annoyed that he has to ask that…  I mean seriously???  Seriously!!!  How would you feel if all of a sudden your wife is the sole provider and you stay home.  Wouldn’t you feel emasculated, devaluated, and useless?  And you have to ask?   Seriously!!!!

On the other hand though, I secretly wonder why my friends let this happen to them.  If they do it with love, that’s cool.  But the fact that they are complaining about it, shows me that they’re not happy.  That’s not cool.  Our destiny is in our hands.  Nobody, not any guy should define it for us.  We owe it to ourselves, to set forth our terms.  Afterall, do we really want to loose our independence and identity?  

The art of doing nothing

I wish I can be the master of that.  Become ladies who do lunch… yeah, right!  As much as sometimes I tell people that I want to be a Tai-Tai, I know better deep down inside J

My days are filled with scheming (of good things), scheduling, organizing, planning… multi-tasking!  There are super crazy days, and there are ok days.  Whatever it is I find comfort in knowing that no matter how good or how bad a day is, that I have accomplished something.  And I am closer to reaching my goal, be it home, family or self. 

So a day like today baffled me.  Like usual, today is also about planning, scheduling, multi-tasking.  But there is a feeling of total uselessness.   It’s not that I didn’t get anything done.  I did.  I got a a lot of things done, like arranging my travel to Australia, a presentation for a client, plus few other work related things and home related things.  It’s just that everything seems to just pass by, without a sense of purpose.  I don’t even know how I manage to just cruise.  Now at the end of the day, everything just seems so absurd.

I think this goes back to my needing to find a greater purpose in life, so that I feel like I’m not just wasting this life, wasting it day by day by doing nothing.  I need to find a new passion.  Soon.  I should write my obituary and include a BHAG in it.  Who knows?  Perhaps it will lead somewhere.  Because the art of doing nothing gives me nothing and that’s just a big nothingness.  (Does it even make sense?)

BHAG: Big Hairy Audacious Goal

You are not your handbag…

You are your shoes though…

Ha  ha… just kidding! 

Nah… let’s get serious!  A woman is about her substance.  Not about how expensive her handbag is. 

I know a few people who’s all about the Birkin and that’s what they’re all about.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  Woman like that pisses me off.  I feel that they just waste their life.  For me they completely put to waste the efforts put forth by our predecessor who fought for women’s right: Kartini, women’s suffrage, woman’s lib, pro-choice, etc. etc.  How can it be that their goal in life is to just look pretty with their Birkin???  AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

I wish with every fiber in my being that my daughters will not turn out anywhere close to that.  I believe it is my responsibility to ensure that from happening.  They need to understand that a woman has to have a sense of purpose beyond her own selfishness.  That we have the strength to move mountains (and to walk with 4 inch stilettoes for hours on end), that we are the driving force in our family, community and the world. 

Having said that, I am personally overwhelmed by this responsibility.  Where do I start?  How can I make a difference?  How can I inspire them?  Is it enough to do it just by being accomplished in home and work?  Somehow that doesn’t seem enough for me.  What about community contribution?  Or am I actually making it bigger and more complicated than it should be?  I mean, I look at Oprah, at how phenomenal she is and I can’t help feeling really small and useless.  It makes me wonder if I have what it takes to inspire my daughters.  Am I phenomenal enough? 

I know that I am far from those handbag ladies, but I am also not anywhere close to being truly phenomenal.  I know that I will struggle with this for a while, I just hope that it is going to be a short while J

The Dieting Dilemma

I always fail in dieting.  Not that I’ve done a lot of it, but the few times I’ve done it, I can only do it for a few days, 5 days tops.  I know I am a very determined person.  However, when it comes to dieting, the determination just faltered.

When I want something, be it a particular pair of shoes or winning a new account, I will put my all to it.  If I want it enough, I will have nothing but determination.  I spent close to an entire day going around Barcelona for a pair of United Nude fuschia Mono Jane.  Obsessed?  I can be at times J 

So I can only attribute my dieting failure to not wanting it enough.  I don’t want skinny bad enough.  I don’t want size 2 bad enough.  Don’t get me wrong; whenever I see a hot bodied girl, I picture it in my head that it could be me.  But then again, how important is that?  With all the things that go on around me, my work, my kids, my husband, my business, being skinny is so not up there…  honestly!  Another thing is, I am not body conscious.  I have long learned that looking good and sexy has nothing to do with being a size 2.  It is all about being a confident beautiful me.  I feel comfortable wearing my bikini when I was pregnant, a size 10 or a size 6.

Having said that, I really applaud other women who can really keep at it.  The ones who really work hard at it, I mean.  Not the ones who are just genetically well endowed (like a friend I have who eats like a horse, literally, and stay a size 0), they so don’t count… (envy…envy…envy…).  How do they do it?  How do they want skinny bad enough that they can just eat salad, exercise and drink water all day.   What’s their motivation?  Do they buy a killer dress 2 sizes too small?  I wonder, what should my motivation be?

Childlike Delights

It is amazing how kids can influence you.  So far my kids have made me smarter, stronger, braver and more religious…  Well, perhaps a little bit religious is more like it, considering I don’t practice any.  Anyway…

Today my sweet Alex lured me to one of my favorite childhood activity: drawing.  I have forgotten the simple pleasure of it.  What makes it more special is that I was drawing with my old drawing equipment… yup… I still have them.  My old Caran d’Ache set.  I’ve always been very meticulous with my stuff to the point that I don’t let my daughters use them (like my 96 colors Crayola set and my Smurf collection among others).  However, sharing my drawing set and drawing with her was really fun.  I felt like a kid again… and I drew like one.  Princess complete with castle…  I guess having girls does that to you… pink and princess galore!!!

My point is, I think we need to revisit our childhood again and again, especially the things we like doing as a kid.  I mean my kids draw and color all the time.  Even though I was always there with them, I don’t participate.  I usually sit in the sideline giving encouragement.  For me, today was a fun time and education time as well.  I was able to teach Alex how to work the water soluble color pencil and wax oil crayon and mixing it with water color to create a drawing with many effects.  She taught me to have fun and be silly every now and then. 

Since this blog is part of my #Misi21 anyway, I think I should be more explorative with my daily actions and then blogging about them afterwards.  Why not right?  Thus I am now thinking what else did like doing as a child?  Besides kissing boys of course!

Every generation, blames the one before...

...And all of their frustrations come beating on your door
I know that I'm a prisoner to all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage to all his hopes and fears...
I just wish I could have told him in the living years...

I was watching a Glee episode and came across that song by Mike & the Mechanics.  It makes me think about myself.  I know I don't project my failures and miss-opportunities for my kids to achieve, but do I give them enough encouragement?

About 3 months ago JC was determine to get a solo in her Drama Club's performance of Glee.  "Do you think I will get the solo mom?"  "I think just try your best and we'll see what happens."  "Gee mom, I was hoping for ‘of course you will get it!’  Thanks so much for your lack of confidence."  Whack!!!!  I felt like I was hit in the face.

I am probably one of the luckiest person.  I have a positive role model in my mom.  Like me, she has 3 daughters and worked full time.  On top of that, I have a dad who can’t be prouder of his daughters and always instill in us we can be anything we want to be.  So you can say I already have that leg up.  Growing up I subscribe to the belief that I CAN be anything I want to be.  In college it was about being the only Indonesian senator in an all “bule” student government.  When I started work it was about being a successful advertising exec.  Eventually it is about having a successful family AND being successful at work.  Thanks to my parents I never have the notion that I must choose one or the other.


I’m sure we all agree it is undeniable that parents influence is instrumental in their children success.    My dilemma is, how do I encourage them without being unrealistic?  The reason I answered JC that way is I don’t want to give her false hopes because she chose a very difficult song to sing and I wasn’t sure what she's up against.  On one hand I want her to believe in herself and to know that I am behind her 110%.  On the other hand, I also want to prepare her for the worse, as well as being realistic.  Where is the middle ground? 

PS: in case you're wondering, she got 2 solos (Defying Gravity & Bust my Windows) and she was one of the best performer in the final show.  And no, I'm not biased!  And yes, I did regret not saying "of course you'll get it!"

The Perfection of Simple Pleasures

Today was one of those perfect days; the ones that you don’t get very often but when you do it makes you appreciate life and your existence.  It also leaves you wondering how come this doesn’t happen more often. 

The morning yoga was followed up with a nice day at work.  The best part was coming home early and spending it with my girls.  There’s indescribable happiness from simple acts like playing and watching TV together.  To hear their chats, laughter, and feel their warm hugs and kisses… the simple pleasures in life. 

I think these simple pleasures are underrated.  Most take it for granted, some are used to it, that it becomes just-a-day-at-the-office sort of thing.  These simple pleasures must be created and then savored.  I believe nothing in life just happen.  Our triumphs, our fuck ups, our loneliness, sadness or happiness are all the products of our actions. 

The moment I asked how come days like this doesn’t happen more often, I realized the answer was because I don’t create it.  I focus on deadlines, obligations, juggling taking care of this and that.  And yes, often times this and that are important, but so is my life.  I owe it to myself to pause, take a breather and every so often, savor the perfection of life’s simple pleasures. 

Is this all?

I was inspired a few times this past week.  First, it was my friend Rene who said I need to share with other women my conviction that work and family life can coexist and that women doesn’t have to choose.  In short, she can have it all.  Second, it came from a comment I got, in which the person made reference to Marianne Williamson’s our deepest fear.  “… We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do…”  Third came from a book I read “9 Summers 10 Autumns,” chronicling the journey of Iwan, an angkot driver’s son from Batu, Malang to New York City where he works as a director at Nielsen.  Fourth, was by my daughter who stated that she wants to do something great for mankind when she is older.

These make me think about my own life’s journey, about what I’ve accomplished and where I’m heading. To be honest, I know what I’ve accomplished, but no clue where I’m heading. I know that I want to be a role model and be phenomenal for my daughters, and I want to achieve that by showing them that a woman can be successful in playing different roles required from her be it career, family or other things.  But now I wonder whether that’s enough??  What was my dream growing up?   Am just going through mid-life crisis??  Or is this one of those life’s moments where a person decide to go on a different path that’s life changing.  I don’t know.

What I know, is that all of a sudden just worrying about my career and my family doesn’t seem enough anymore.  I refuse to believe this is all.  I want to leave a foot print.  My husband said I need to decide on my circle of care and my circle of influence.  My boss Regi said, based on Freud’s theory, I must decide what’s important for me, is it power, achievement of affiliation?  Huh????  Seriously???   Is this what make men date younger woman when they’re in mid-life crisis???  Hmmmm….

Regi did offer me an interesting thought.  He told me to write my own obituary… how do I want to be remembered after I’m dead?  His is that he wants to be remembered as an excellent coach in inspiring his team in business development.  My husband’s is he wants to be remembered as having made an impact in Indonesia’s digital industry.  Wow…. all so crisp and decisive…  and here I am still wondering what I want to be remembered for… great mom, wonderful wife, admirable professional, check, check, check….  But what else???  I know that I want to make a positive impact to mankind, to not be small, to achieve big dreams.  Question is, by doing what???  Does everyone go through this?  Or just me?  Who wants it all…  I wonder…

From The Valley of Dreams to The Pinnacle of Triumph

“I wanna be a self-esteemed, kind, confident, generous person and be a role model, not because I’m famous or anything, but because I do something great for mankind.  And a mom… if I get married.” 

Jaw dropped.

Heart beamed.

What a breath of fresh air!  For it came from JC.  Darling, ahead of her years, precious, precocious, ferocious, eight year old JC.  A fresh air indeed, as I spent a good deal of the day pondering what would become of my children.   

You see, last night I read this book “9 Summers 10 Autumns,” chronicling the journey of Iwan, an angkot driver’s son from Batu, Malang to New York City where he work as a director at Nielsen.  The story was a real testament of the strength of family, education and determination.   I was really affected by the narrative, mainly by the struggles that he and his sisters have to go through just to get education and later to make a living, and how despite all that, he triumphed. 

To see how far he has come made me realized how short my journey has been. 

I feel inadequate. 

Frustrated. 

I fear for my children. 

Will growing up in abundance rob them their determination?  Will they become soft?  Will their dreams be less lofty?  I wonder…. 

I expressed my fears to a friend, a fellow mom.  As it turns out, I am not alone…  We all want our kids to dream big, persevere and triumph. 

JC’s statement feed my dream as a parent.  The challenge is, how can I keep the hunger to dream, to persevere, to triumph alive?

It’s not rocket science… It just requires passion

When I was an AE starting in advertising, the first thing I did was read up on advertising (yeah…  like you can really do that).  Called it naïve enthusiasm, I was determined to find out everything about the industry and how I can do my job well, so that I can be promoted. Fast!!.  (I can’t possibly survive with the meager salary for long.  I need shoes damn it!)  The first book I read was Ogilvy on Advertising lent to me by my cousin.

He  said that account executives can be divided into custodians and contributors, where he compared the former to a waiter, shuffling orders from patrons in the dining room to the chef in the kitchen.  I decided, no way I was a waiter!  I was determined to follow his advice: be the best informed person on your client—on their industry, rise to the occasion, learn to make good presentations and be able to present, etc….etc… and his ultimate advice…  be ready to succeed your boss (I like this guy!!!).  I felt equipped. I knew exactly what to do. 

But boy… oh boy…  Dealing with egotistical creative and clients who are so brilliant they’re always right quickly gave me a jolt of reality.  After my first month on the job as an AE; in a small Agency; handling one of the most difficult client (just my luck); I have my own version of what an AE’s job is:

1.       My job is to make things happen

2.       Any fuck up is ultimately my fault 

It sucks! 

How did I end up with such huge responsibility?  Me…  a fresh grad with no experience? And did I mention the pay?  

It sucks!

And I was still often clueless of what to do…

In time I discovered none of it is rocket science….   Truth is, unless you really are building a rocket, is anything?  But knowing what to do is only half way there.  When I look back at my bosses or colleagues who are truly good at what they do, they have one thing in common:  the love for advertising and passion for the work.  They don’t settle.  They are truly working to raise the bar… their passion make all the difference.  They are my inspirations. 

I think in doing our work, we are often times blinded by the day to day grind that we forgot about this passion, that it separates the so so and the great.  I mean, we work 8 hours a day, or much more if you’re in advertising…  if we are only going through the motion, why bother?  Really!!!  Surely not because of the pay!!!    Don’t we owe it to ourselves to do something we’re passionate about?  Don’t we owe it to ourselves to make us great?

2.55

I never did understand the infatuation people have over branded bags.  Not until I came across the 2.55.  There is something about the Chanel 2.55 that makes it my most coveted bag.  Mind you, I am not a bag person.  I’m a shoe person.  But I do covet the 2.55.  Unlike most women, I don’t have a “I wanna have list,” yet I want the 2.55.  It is the only thing on my list.  Not the Birkin, not the Kelly, not the Speedy.  Only the 2.55.  Its classic and timeless style, sensibility of design and background narrative, all adds to the charm.  Perhaps madame Chanel's personality has something to do with it...  kindred spirits? 

Anyway, I promised myself, I will only get it when I am in a position where I can afford it.  Afford means, not asking my husband to get it for me.  Not especially saving for it.  Not paying for it in installments, or anything of that sort.  I wanted to get it when I have enough money and getting it won’t make a difference.  I realized I am probably sounding a bit cocky right now.  But that is not the intention.

For me there is nothing worse in forcing to buy something that you can’t afford.  Who are you kidding?  And don’t get me started on those ayams and their chanels…  we all know where they earn theirs…  horizontally.   Or worse, getting the fake ones no matter what KW it is… that is so not the point!!!  Seriously!!!

For me, among other things, the 2.55 is a symbol of accomplishment.  Therefore it has to be all mine, my hardwork, my accomplishment, my money and when I wear it I know that “I am there.” 

I finally got mine last year; Purchased in Paris, at Rue de Cambon, by my sister in law.  I only wished I went there myself.  When it arrived my heart went pitter patter.  I linger in opening the parcel.  Noticing the camellia on the shopping bag, untying the box, opening it, removing layers and layers of tissue eager for what lies under.  It did not disappoint.  I never thought I could be so emotional over a bag, but there I was teary eyed with a big grin and a feeling of total happiness and satisfaction… 

Now I get it.  I get why a bag can matters so much.  Every time I wear my 2.55, my heart flutters.  I feel proud and happy.  Not so much because I am sporting a Chanel bag, but because I am sporting MY Chanel bag.  Silly?  Perhaps.  Who cares?  I finally have my 2.55 on my terms.  Another accomplishment I can call my own.

When is enough, is enough?

As a parent, I truly get the concept that we want the best for our kids… especially if we don’t have similar opportunities growing up…  However, I do think that there is a fine line between giving the best and overindulging.  Obviously, I aim for the former, but often guilty of the latter….  It is a dilemma of “but if I can, why can’t I do it?”  Well, the answer is because I know when I look at my girls, I am sometimes scared of what would become of them.  My biggest scare is that they will not grow up grounded.   That’s why I can’t.

It hits me one Saturday when I asked the kids where we should have lunch.  “Loewy or Ritz Carlton mom…  I like those places… I don’t want to go anywhere else!”  Ding ding ding ding….alarm bells ringing….  In all honesty I shouldn’t have been surprised, I mean, let’s face it, we live a pretty comfortable life, they go to a national plus school driven in a private car, they go on vacation at least once a year, abroad and domestic, we eat out in nice restaurants and surrounded by friends and family of similar nature.  And yet, I was taken aback.  I realized, something must be done before they become ungrateful spoiled brats who think life is served on a silver platter and not know the value of a dollar. 

That is why my husband and I now have a rule that we can either eat lunches and dinners at cheap places over the weekend, or eat at one nice expensive restaurant for a meal and the rest at home.  In other words, we cap our weekend dining out budget.  Plus we created a system that teaches them that they must work for everything they want in life.  Of course my husband and I provide them with food, shelter, clothing and education.  But beyond that, they must earn on their own.  Please don’t think of me as a sadistic parent.  But really…  I think I will serve them better if they are used to earn for themselves. 

Here is the system:  They have chores that they must do around the house, simple things like setting up the table, clearing their plates, water the plants, tidy up their toys, etc.  for each action they get a sticker (each equal to a few thousand rupiahs), at the end of the week we tally how many stickers they have, hence how much money they’ve earned that week.  Out of all they money they’ve earned, they must save 75% and can spend the rest.  So now, if they want something, they will ask me how many stickers is that mom, namely, how many chores I must do to get that.  Then they think twice of whether or not they really want that toy.

I do hope that this gives them good gounds and understanding of the value of a dollar, but will this be enough?

Big hands, big feet, ‘nough said! Or is it?

Well, not when he is also smart, responsible, supportive and sexy.

Am I simply blessed?  Or is it like Maria & Captain Von Trapp, I must’ve have done something good in my youth?   Lucky in love?  I think it is all of the above with a good amount of common sense….  After all, I did do my homework, contemplate, plus a ranking and weighted average comparing him and Mr. X.  Yup… I did do all that... Why chance it to faith or cupid, especially since my parents’ marriage ended so miserably.  One might call me a heartless bitch for abandoning Mr. X after a 6 year relationship.  I call it being selfish for my future. 

Methods aside, what I find in my husband is someone who not only accepts me as I am, more importantly encourages and supports me to be better; to reach my potential, without having to choose between self-actualization or family, even, when I have my moments of “can I?” 

Why is it then, when I see some people around me, they are not demanding, comparing and examining enough?   Yet, they dream of the happily ever after.  Are they delusional?   Or is love really is enough?  Obviously for me, love is hygiene factor.  I cringe about this when I think of my daughters.  Will they settle for only love and superficiality?  Will they interrogate the substance?  Will preparing them with confidence, self-worth, smarts and love for themselves make them selfish enough?

After all, since when is being nice more important than securing my happiness??  Aren’t we entitled to interrogate and explore before “I dos” are spoken?   Don’t we try on a pair of shoes before purchasing it? 

My Addiction

There it is….

Oozing sensuality…

The curves…the shape… 

The intoxicating scent… 

The smoothness…

And it is lust at first sight.

 

My knees go weak, my desires mounting…

I flip it over…  “Made in Italy…” and I’m in Looooveee.

I slip my foot in… 

Ahhhh …. Gorgeous, hot, sexy.

I’m picturing possibilities….

I dare myself to peek at the price, and my knees go weak even more… 

I gulp… 

Should I?

Of course!

Should I?

But why not?

Really…  should I?

You deserve it.  This is for that friggin pitch you won.

Seriously…  should I?  This means part of tuition money…

Well… but you work so hard…and look at it ….

I know... hot!  So fucking hot!!!!

Shit!!!

You know what’s best for you…

Fuck it!!

“I’ll take these please!”

Phenomenal woman

About 3 months ago, my oldest daughter, JC, who is 8, made a little “name card” book in which she put names of our family members and corresponding short descriptions.  This is what she wrote of my husband:

Whenever U need help call…..

DAD

What he does:

·         Builds

·         Drives

·         Helps you in software tough spots

·         Works in 3 different offices

·         Loves his daughters a lot

And here is her description of me:

MOM

She is a professional…

Shopper (for clothes) • designer • grocer • make-up artist • artist • advertiser • cook • photographer • punisher • party planner • shoe collector • organizer • lover

How she got that last word, is beyond me… (I truly hope that she means it as I love my family a lot).

The fact is, I am all that and more.  I  NEED to be more. 

One of my favorite poem is "Phenomenal Woman" by Toni Morrison:  “…I am woman, phenomenally.  Phenomenal woman, that’s me!...”  and that is exactly what I want to be. 

I want to be Phenomenal! 

I want to be a phenomenal role model for my daughters & god daughter! 

That’s what drives me.

I want to show them how to embrace this gift and curse we call womanhood.  That a woman can be all that she can be without having to be embarrassed or create excuses for it.  That we can have ambition beyond raising a family and yet still have a wonderful family.   Bukannya karena saya perempuan super.  Saya bukan wonder woman atau super hero lainnya.  Saya cuma seorang ibu who wants her girls to grow up and be phenomenal.  Therefore, I have to be phenomenal.  I have to be their role model.  Kalau bukan saya, siapa lagi? 

Buat saya (dan saya yakin buat orang lain akan beda) untuk jadi Phenomenal, saya harus bisa melakukan hal-hal domestic yang sifatnya perempuan banget seperti masak, arts and craft, entertaining, being a good hostess sampe hal-hal yang sifatnya lebih maskulin seperti ganti ban, fixing things around the house, putting together IKEA furnitures dll.  And I have to be able to do them well.  Be a great educator for my kids. Embrace my femininity.  Be an efficient manager (dari managing pembantu dan nannies sampai managing anak buah di kantor).  Melakukan pekerjaan kantor saya dengan sangat baik to the point where my boss can’t function without me.  Be successful in my enterprise.  Have fun!!!  Be well read and well informed.  Cultivate friendships.  Be organized.  Appreciate the arts.  Be smart.  Pursue my hobbies.  Be a creative force for those around me.  Menjadi istri yang respectful, baik dan supportive.  Maintain good health.  Last but not least, do them all in style tentunya J.  Banyak banget yaa…  and yet I somehow manage to do them day in and day out.     

Those are exactly the kinds of things I want my daughters to see me do.  How a woman can create, be gentle, juggle,  put out fires and look good all at the same time. 

That they can be all woman, without excuses.

That they can be phenomenal.