A Selfish Materialistic Bitch

“Which one would you choose to marry, a snob who is very rich or a caring man who is poor?”  Silence… I don’t know how to best answer my daughter’s question.  Do I tell her the expected “chick flick” answer, or do I tell her what I really think?  How do I tell her real life is not that simple?

We all know that if we are watching a chick flick, we will be rooting for the caring but poor guy.  Because deep down inside we are hopeless romantics and desperately want to believe in our childhood fairytales where good always conquers evil.  That a caring guy will trumps over a snobbish guy any day, despite how wealthy he is.  Plus of course the idea that money is not everything.  That answer makes us feel good about ourselves.  

However, do all the chicks rooting for the poor guy in the movie will do so in real life?  I maybe won’t.  I don’t know.  I believe, one of the best ways to find a husband is by being true to yourself.  If you are used to a certain standard of living, what business do you have choosing the poor guy?  You will only end up miserable.  Take me for example; I was raised in a well to do family.  So I know that after I get married, I will expect a similar standard of living.  I was willing to go down a notch, even a few (and I did), but I wasn’t willing to be completely poor. 

I’ve had enough boyfriends and my fair share of fun to know that I’ve “been there, done that” (literally), and come marriage, I want my marriage to last.  Therefore, I realized early on that I have to be very clear with my expectations from sex, religion, education, raising children, to money and career.  There is no more being nice just to get laid.  This is the real thing.  And as such, I need to be brave enough to put down my terms, even if it meant that I could lose him. At the risk of being called a bitch, a selfish bitch, a selfish materialistic bitch, I raised all those topics and more to my then would be husband. 

I remember the hardest part was telling him that I want a certain standard of living and exactly how I want my earnings to be used (and he did called me materialistic J), but you know what, I’m glad I did.   At the end of what seemed to be e very long day (with emotional roller coasters, tears and angers), we both know our expectations and we both came to agreements covering all those topics. They are all something that both of us can live with.   Eleven years later we still live by those decisions.   And I think, that’s what’s important.  Knowing yourself and your partner well enough and know what both of you expect of one another, BEFORE I dos are spoken.  There is nothing worse, than short selling yourself.  You deserve to be happy, but you are the architect and contractor for your own happiness.

So going back to the question, I told my daughter, I will choose neither.  Because none of them is good enough for me.  I want a caring rich guy.  If that is not in the choice right now, I will pass until it is.  I just hope she understands and not see her mom as a selfish materialistic bitch.